she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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