instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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