I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
