Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
