32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
