I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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