he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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