Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize