By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
