Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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