everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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