We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
