Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
