All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
