it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
