is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize