Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
