I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
