We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
