man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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