He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
