Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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