my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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