The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
