i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
