We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
