grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
