Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
