I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
