We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
