The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Actions speak louder than pants.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
