Define "chronic" masturbator.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
