at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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