i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
