No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
