We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
