Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
