we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
