it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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