i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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