I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We have started to decorate penises.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
