I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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