Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
