Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
two words...techno handjob
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
