K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
