everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
