It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
