how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
