We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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