we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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