Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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