I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
