Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
