Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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