so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He passed out mid-signature
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize