She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
