Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
