Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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