I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
