my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
