Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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