Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize