She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
