At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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