Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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