I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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