you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
