I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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