im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have post one night stand depression
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