The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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