I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
