I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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