Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
