LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
