Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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