This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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