Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
