I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
