There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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