week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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