dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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