I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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