Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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