one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
