I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize