i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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