dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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