Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
