Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
