I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
