Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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