I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
