I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
