tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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