I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
