upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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