mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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