If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
