My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
